You know you've been in China too long when..

I ran across this and thought it was pretty funny, and true!

It'll give you some idea of the more subtle characteristics of the culture here.

My comments are in parenthesis. Enjoy!

You know you've been in China too long when..

1. You're at an expensive western restaurant and don't even notice the guy at the next table yelling into his cell phone.
2. When someone says 'snack', you think: salted cuttlefish.
3. You only drink beer from one liter bottles.
4. You enjoy wearing flip flops on all occasions.
5. You get your haircut on the sidewalk.
6. You leave the 'Garbano' designer label conspicuously on the jacket sleeve. (Knock offs are everywhere - the real brand would be Gabbana)
7. You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio.
8. You have grown used to the picture quality of pirated DVDs.
9. Badminton and ping pong are your main forms of exercise.
10. You find yourself "getting back to nature" in a park that contains nothing but concrete and a giant revolutionary statue.
11. You smoke in crowded elevators and malls.
12. All westerners look the same to you.
13. You like the smell of the bus.
14. People with bright white teeth look frightening to you.
15. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
16. Other foreigners seem foreign to you.
17. You find yourself exiting a major highway...on your bike.
18. You find western toilets uncomfortable.
19. You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person).
20. You think that the heavy humid air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay healthy.
21. Any discomfort causes you to think there might be something wrong with your 'Qi'.
22. Your body no longer accepts dairy products.
23. You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.
24. You ask people in what animal year they were born.
25. You measure distances in 'Li'.
26. You think you speak Chinese fluently.
27. Squatting becomes your favorite rest position, anytime, anywhere.
28. You think a 30 year old woman who carries a Hello Kitty lunch box is cute.
29. You can't put a proper sentence together in your native language.
30. Your building's security guard is 4 times older than the building itself.
31. You think it's normal to have a police officer on every street corner, sitting on a stool, engrossed with their smartphone.
32. It's OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window.
33. You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times will make it move faster.
34. You know it is useless to protest when the lady at the supermarket check-out wraps one toothbrush in 6 plastic bags.
35. You aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
36. Pink bathroom tiles can make any building or public garden beautiful.
37. Your colleagues eat sun-dried cuttlefish coated in sugar and you don't bat an eyelid.
38. A PhD in Nuclear Physics fluent in 7 languages irons your socks for a pittance but she is from the Philippines so it's all right.
39. You are not surprised to see your tap water run dark brown.
40. You tell your parents their house back in your home country has bad feng shui.
41. You are not surprised to see 85-year old ladies pushing tons of garbage up the streets of the financial district.
42. You use the word "Ayyiieeaaahh" every few sentences to convey surprise, pleasure, pain or anger.
43. You believe you are really tall when you are only 5'8".
44. You believe that the cure for all ailments is to drink more water.
45. You think that a $7 shirt is a rip-off.
46. You read shanghaiexpat.com and understand what people are talking about.
47. Your work buddy taps you on the shoulder to talk to you, and you say "Bu Yao" (no thank you!) out of habit.
48. You offer to sell your own watch to a $2 Rolex street vendor, to fend him off.
49. You think you should wear nylon sox with your Nikes, stilettos or sandals in the summer, instead of cotton ones.
50. You always leave your tray and trash on the table when you are in Starbucks and Maccas because you insist that is the way to keep everyone employed
51. You're a hardworking person, voluntarily doing over time everyday, because you only chatted with your friends on QQ during office hours. (QQ is like gtalk)
52. You buy an XXXL T-shirt when you returned home.
53. You take large sum of cash whenever you go to the hospital in your home country (because you have to pay in cash before getting treated.)
54. You are no longer flinching every few seconds in a Taxi ride.
55. You chew on "Ducks blood" like a fatty piece of beef.
56. You have no reservations about spitting sun flower seeds on a restaurant floor.
57. You start reaching for a piece of fish with your chop sticks and don't even notice the fish looking back at you.
58. Walking across the street, against the light, and in and out of traffic is a piece of cake.
59. Your brand new bicycle only cost you $20.
60. Your washing machine looks like it was made by Matell.
61. You get your ears cleaned in a public square by a guy with a two foot long Q-Tip.
62. You try to haggle over the rental price of a $110 a month apartment.
63. You accept the fact that the bathroom sink "doesn't work" and just use the kitchen sink instead.
64. You think it's silly to buy a new bike when it'll get stolen soon and stolen bikes are half the price.
65. You relish the thought of Pizza Hut, but only go on special occasions.
66. You get up early for a backwards walk and thrust your hand at a 45 degree angle into the sky over and over for balanced exercise. (My favorite is the folks in the morning that slap their hands on the trees seemingly hard.)
67. When refusing someone something they expected or counted on you just say "Sorry" (buhaoyise) with no explanation whatsoever.
68. When asked your reasons you just repeat "Sorry" (buhaoyisi).
69. You don't ask your 30 year old girlfriend if she wants to stay over cause you know her mom won't let her stay out past 2.
70. Ice cubes in beer actually make it cooler and more refreshing
71. You feel cheated if you don't receive a full head and shoulder massage when getting a haircut
72. You eat three regular meals a day: lunch, dinner and night snacks
73. When you go to the toilet you start bringing your own toilet paper
74. You can pick up any type of food using just your chopsticks... even peanuts. (I can!)
75. You blow your nose or spit on the restaurant floor, of course, after making a loud hocking noise.
76. The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.
77. You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.
78. You stop at the top or bottom of an escalator to plan your day.
79. It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift or train before anyone can get off.
80. You no longer wonder how someone who earns US$ 400.00 per month can drive a Mercedes.
81. You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your trousers, or you have your suits made with terrycloth pockets.
82. You regard traffic signals and stop signs as mere suggestions.
83. You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags.
84. You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.
85. You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb and then charge you 10 yuan. ($1.35USD)
86. You look over people's shoulder to see what they are reading.
87. You throw your trash out the window of your house, your car or the bus you are on.
88. You would rather SMS someone than actually meet to talk 'face to face'.
89. You wear nylons when it is 30 degrees outside. (86 degrees F)
90. You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk
91. You regularly fumble for five minutes to find 10 jiao (about a penny USD) despite 10 people waiting in line behind you.
92. You ride around on your bicycle ringing a bell.
93. When shopping at the grocery store some laowai stares you down for catching you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what laowai's eat. (Laowai means foreigner, and I commonly have people physically get in my way while they are staring at what I'm buying. I'm just that fascinating, apparently.)
94. You have figured out that it is actually the Taiwanese who are running this country.
95. You start to describe delusional thoughts and fantasies as "healthy passions."
96. You get your first case of bronchitus and you have never smoked a cigarette in your life. (because smoke is everywhere, it's nasty.)
97. You have a pinky fingernail an inch long
98. You haven't cut you finger nails in 8 weeks.
99. You forget that the other person needs to finish speaking before you can start.
100. You burp in any situation and don't care.
101. You see one foreign person eating Pineapple (or whatever) and say "Yes, all foreign people like Pineapple"
102. You think Pizza Hut is high-class and worth queueing for. (There are always huge waits for Pizza Hut!)
103. In the rain, you spot a vacant taxi which is 10 minutes away and you have already planned how you are going to jump out with great enthusiasm in the road, elbow everyone else trying to claim it, and wave your hands everywhere in a 'look at me, I'm a goal keeper' kind of fashion.
104. You have learned how to detect someone is in a hurry behind you, and now have the ability to not only walk very slowly but also grow eyes in the back of your head, so when they start to overtake on the right hand side, you automatically move right.
105. You watch taxi drivers picking their noses whilst stuck in traffic. Instead of feeling disgusted, you actually admire along with them, the length and breadth of the boogie.
106. You see people outside wearing shower caps in the rain, and instead of thinking what a freak, you actually understand the practicality behind it. The same with clipping pegs on your trousers when riding a bike
107. Your eating manners in restaurants are now totally shot. Elbows on tables and spitting food out onto your plate is now seen as being dead classy.
108. When you turn the volume on the television in the restaurant up so high that you cannot hear what the person across the table from you is saying.
109. When you insist on paying the bill and fumble with your purse or wallet so long that the other person pays anyway.
110. When you sit in the restaurant with your finger up your nose to your elbow and stare at the laowai (foreigner). Then you pull it out, inspect it, roll it into a ball and casually flick it onto the wall or the closest person's plate.
111. When you are able to jump the queue because the idiot laowai (foreigner) left 2 centimeters between themself and the person in front of them. 
112. When you wear nylon knee highs with your best dress so everybody can see the tops of the knee highs.
113. Before asking someone's age, you ask what animal they are.
114. You start picking at other people's dinner plates before they even offer you a taste.
115. You don't have to speak to taxi drivers. Every cab in town has taken you home at least once, so they all know where you live. (True for Dylan's cab ride for work.)
116. It seems entirely sensible to take a cab across town for 12 yuan ($2 USD) in each direction to buy something that costs 4 yuan, that they sell right outside your house anyway.
117. You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.
118. You invite friends over for dinner, and serve thousand year old eggs as an appetizer.
119. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
120. You start calling other foreigners Lao Wai. (foreigner)
121. You think singing Karaoke on Friday nights is fun.
122. Other foreigners seem foreign to you.
123. You ask how much people are making and expect people to answer.
124. You talk louder than is necessary.
125. You are the last of your first group of friends still in China.
126. You prefer using chopsticks.
127. Chinese fashion starts looking hip.
128. You start cutting off large vehicles on your bicycle.
129. The last time you visited your mother, you gave her your business card.
130. You go back home for a short visit, get in a car and start giving the driver directions in Chinese.
131. You have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone.
132. Your idea of a larger home is an extra 10 square meters.
133. You get used to having a before dinner, during dinner, and after dinner cigarette.
134. You think no car is complete without a tissue box on the rear shelf and a feather duster in the trunk.
135. You go to the local shop in pajamas.
136. You wouldn't think of buying any appliance that doesn't come in lime green.
137. You see some real cleavage and think WOW!
138. You ask fellow foreigners the all-important question "How long have you been here?" in order to be able to properly categorize them.
139. You buy the local newspaper because you forget that you can't read Chinese.
140. You seriously contemplate putting bathroom tiles on the outside of your house back home.
141. Pollution, what pollution?
142. You think squat toilets are more sensible.
143. You notice you've forgotten how to tie shoelaces.
144. You start wearing long thermal underwear on October 1st no matter what the temperature is.
145. You stop wearing long thermal underwear on May 1st no matter what the temperature is.
146. You phone an English-speaking friend and somehow can't bring yourself to get to the point for the first 3 minutes of the conversation.
147. You stop enjoying telling newcomers to China "all about China".
148. You have run out of snappy comebacks to compliments about your chopstick skills.
149. You think "white pills, blue pills, and pink powder" is an adequate answer to the question "What are you giving me, doctor?"
150. Someone doesn't stare at you and you wonder why.
151. 70 degrees F. feels cold.
152. You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there's room for two more.
153. There are more things strapped to your bicycle than you would ever put in your car.
154. Firecrackers don't wake you up.
155. Your family stops asking when you'll be coming back.
156. You wear out your vehicle's horn before its brakes.
157. Smoking is one of the dinner courses.
158. You (female) wear socks over your pantyhose in summer.
159. None of your shoes have laces.
160. You leave the plastic wrap on all new purchases.
161. Forks feel funny.
162. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals.
163. You realize that smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for, "Go away; leave me alone."
164. Metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding.
165. The Lunar Calendar ALWAYS takes precedence.
166. You salt your fruit.
167. Household furnishings are arranged for optimal fengshui.
168. You stop calling the Guinness Book of Records people each time you kill a cockroach.
169. You don't recognize a bowl of chicken soup unless there are feet and a head in it.
170. You don't bother to take the sticker off the lenses of your fake Ray-Bans.
171. In the summer, you roll the legs of your pants up to your knees whenever you sit down.
172. You (men) roll your shirt up to your nipples.
173. You only wear a suit when you dig ditches or do home repairs.
174. You have a purse and you are male. (Totally true, so funny)
175. Your handshake is weakening by the day.
176. You would never think of entering your house without first removing your shoes.
177. Drilling on the walls of your apartment in the wee small hours of the morning is
178. considered acceptable behavior.
179. Your collection of business cards has outgrown your flat.
180. You speak enough Chinese to make your colleagues laugh their heads off (attempts with anyone else still only draw blank stares).
181. You and a friend get on a bus, sit at opposite ends of the bus, and continue your conversation by yelling from one end to the other.
182. You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign.
183. You start enjoying the taste of the "meat flavour beancurd" lays potato chips.
184. You think your nose IS kind of big.
185. You can expertly maneuver your bike through any traffic situation.
186. Grown men and women often say hello to you, and when you reply they run away giggling. (Yes, true!)
187. You see nothing wrong with standing on a white stripe in the middle of a highway while cars whiz past you at 90kph.
188. You don't blink an eye when a complete stranger wants to take a photo of you with his family.
189. You use Kleenex for table napkins.
190. When a trim at the barber involves two washes, a scalp massage, a neck and shoulder massage, and a crowd of onlookers.
191. You start wearing a face mask on windy days and wonder at the "silly foreigners" who don't do the same.
192. You can't find face lotion or cleanser that does not bleach your skin white.... (Yes, true!)
193. You can open and hull sunflower seeds with your tongue.
194. You're looking forward to blending in with the crowd.
195. You point out foreigners to your Chinese friends even though you're foreign yourself.
196. You convince yourself that it doesn't matter how dirty the cook's hands are, cooking will fix it.
197. You hold hands with others of the same sex and think nothing of it.
198. You think smoking does less harm to your lungs than breathing.
199. You tell people you don't understand, so they write it for you - in Chinese. (Yes, this happens!)
200. Groups of people find it fascinating to watch you buy an orange at a fruit market. Commentary is provided in case some people don't know exactly what's going on.
201. A hike up a mountain calls for a plastic grocery bag full of junk food.
202. You start thinking instant coffee tastes pretty good.
203. Evaluating the contents of your shopping cart is the past-time of all the other shoppers in the store.
204. You can use "face" as a weapon. (Chinese value their honor greatly!)
205. You walk with your arms clasped behind your back routinely.
206. You think puking in public is acceptable and normal behavior. (I see this a lot)